WHEN DID THIS MOVIE COME OUT?

WHATEVER, after watching five minutes of ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO, MY GRANPARENTS (WHO ARE MEXICAN) WERE LIKE "WHATTTT NO WAY GETT OUTTAA HERE JOHNNY DEPP" (BUT IN SPANISH, DUH) AND SO THEY BROKE OUT THEIR "DVD" COLLECTION- WHICH IS WHATEVER 5 DVDS MY GRANDMA BOUGHT PIRATED THAT WEEK. THEY SUGGESTED THIS MOVIE R.E.D., I BET CAUSE HELLEN MIREN IS IN IT (OLD LADY) AND SO IS MORGAN FREEMAN (OLD GUY)- MY GRANDPARENTS PROBABLY THOUGHT THE MOVIE WAS GONNA BE ABOUT THEM.

IT WASNT, IT WAS WORSE.SO BAD THAT EVEN MY GRANDPARENTS FELL ASLEEPS ABOUT 20 MINUTES INTO IT, AT THE HEIGHT OF A BIG GUN BALAZOS SHOOTING FIGHT; AND BEFORE THEY DID FALL ASLEEP, THE PREDICTED PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING THAT WOULD HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE. INCREDIBLE!
THE CHICK FROM WEEDS IS IN IT, AND HERE SHE IS TALKING WITH THE OTHER STAR OF THE FILM, HARD WORKING MISTER DIE HARD, BRUCE WILLIS

SO ANYWAYS, MORGAN FREEMAN IS IN IT, BUT ONLY FOR LIKE, WELL, THE TIME IT TOOK MY GRANDPARENTS TO FALL ASLEEP. HE GETS SHOT IN THE HEAD LIKE IN THE FIRST SCENE HES IN, RIGHT AFTER HE ASKS A NURSE (YEAH HE IS IN A NURSING HOME, THATS HOW OLD HE IS) TO MOVE HER BUTT AROUND IN FRONT OF HIM.

ALSO, JOHN MALKOVICH CARRIES AROUND A STUFFED PIG FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE, THAT WAS FUNNY I GUESS. WAS HE ONLY IN ONE GOOD MOVIE? HMM

OH YEAH THE SUBTITLES ON THE COPY WE WATCHED SUCKED. THIS ALSO HAPPENED LAST TIME I WATCHED A MEXICAN PIRATED MOVIE, WITH MY 18 YEAR OLD COUSIN AT HER HOUSE. THE EXCLAMATION "FREEZE!" WAS TRANSLATED TO "MARVIN" AND THE PHRASE "NO WAY" WAS TURNED INTO "POOP TO THAT." NO JOKE.

ANYWAYS, JSUT AS SOME LAME VP ASSASINATION WAS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, MY GRANDPA WOKE UP, MASHED A FEW BUTTONS ON THE REMOTE, AND WE ENDED UP WATCHING NAZI HUNTERS ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. WHEN DOES A RETIRED
GUY NOT WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE ABOUT RETIRED PEOPLE DOING (SUPPOSEDLY) COOL STUFF.

SO BASICALLY, IM SURE NOBODY SAW THIS MOVIE, BUT UNLESS YOUR GRANDMA COOKS YOU SOME COD WITH CURRY SAUCE AND YOU ARE TOO FULL TO MOVE FROM THE CARPETED FLOOR, AWAY FROM THE TV, DONT WASTE YOUR TIME.


PS. WHAT IS UP WITH BOTH FEMALE CO STARS HAVING BEEN PHOTO-GRAPHED IN BATH TUBS???