BUZZ TOOK OVER MY LIFE

WHAT MORE CAN I SAYYYYYYYYY

Wht wasnt keirea knightly in the new pirates of the carribean movie?

TRON THE SECRET SKEQUEAL

GUYS, I FINALLY RENTED TRON ON DVD AND WATCHED IT ON MY 3D TV
TRON WAS LAME, THE CG FACE OF JEFF BRDIGFES LOOKED SILLY AND THE MOVIE ACTAULLY CONFUSED ME AT CERTAIN POINTS.. THE WHOLE WORLD OF TRON IS BASED ON AN IDEA THAT CAME UP IN THE 80s AND IT STILL LOOKS LIEK THAT.. LIKE A WEIRD, BAD MUSIC VIDEO.
BuT THIS GIRL WAS IN IT AND SHE WAS HOT

But HER COSTUME MADE HER LOOK KINDA WEIRD, LIKE A SEX BOT
The only reason I rented this movie is cause it made one of my friends have a nervous breakdown after seeing it, so I was like DAMN IT MUST BE PRETTY GOOD, but I think without the 3D, it snt as intense, or maybe my friend is just a baby. UPDATE: MY FRIEND IS A BABY


COMING SOON: REVIEWS OF OTHER MOVIES, LIKE :
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 5: MORE PIRATEZ

HANGOVER 2, 13 ASSASSINS, BLUE VALENTINE AND SKADOOSH 2

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY THAT HASNT BEEN SAID B4?
NOTHING, OKAY.

THE OSCARS

SUCKED

LATE ENTRY OSCAR CONTENDER RIGHT HERE

WELL TOO BAD THAT MOVIE CEDAR RAPIDS WASNT GOOD(a great man once called it "STUPID RAPIDS"). THE GUY FROM THE OFFICE WAS IN IT- MISTER ROOT DEE DO, AND THE STEVE BRULE GUY AND ANNE HECHE (NOT A LESBIAN) ANYWAYS

MAYBE I WOULD HAVE RATHER SEEN GNOMEO AND JULIET THAN CEDAR RAPIDS..
SHOULD I WATCH DEWEY COX TO MAKE UP FOR THIS CRUMMY COMEDY? THERE WERE ACTUALLY NO JOKES. THE ONLY FUNNY STUFF THAT HAPPENED WAS MY PAL CHARLIE SPITTING ON THE GUY INFRONT OF US IN THE THEATER, AND MY OTHER PAL WADE BEING EMBARRASSED TO BE SITTING WITH US. ACTUALLY MY OTHER PAL (YEAH I HAVE THREE FRIENDS!) JASON WASNT EVEN SITTING NEXT TO US CAUSE HE WAS ALREADY EMBARRASSED TO HANG WITH US. BASICALLY, THIS MOVIE MADE MY FRIENDS HATE ME.

SO ANYWAYS THE MOVIE HAD A STUPID PLOT THAT MADE NO SENSE AND DOOMED IT TO SUCK-- AND NO BABES IN IT? HOW CAN A MOVIE BE GOOD WITHOUT A SINGLE BABE IN IT?? COME ON, PLEASE?

THE MOVIE TRIED TO TAKE A CRAPPY THING LIKE BEING AN INSURANCE SALESMAN AND MAKE SOMETHING FUNNY OUT OF SOMETHING TOTALLY OBVIOUSLY SHITTY, KNOW WHAT I MEAN? GOOD, OR TOO BAD.

GUEST CRITICS SAY:

"THERES NO SUCH THING AS A LOW BUDGET, HOLLYWOOD COMEDY. IF ITS NOT PICKED UP BY THE WEINSTEIN BROTHERS, CHANCES ARE, ITS NOT THAT FUNNY"( I EDITED WHAT HE SAID SO HE DIDNT SOUND STUPID)

-GUEST CRITIC WADE

AND

"WISH OFFICE GUY HADNT BEEN IN THE MOVIE, STEVE BRUELE HAD BEEN THE MAIN CHARACTER AND THE PRODUCTION TEAM HADNT BEEN A LITTLE GIRL ON A TRICYCLE" ( AND I DIDNT BOTHER TO EDIT THIS ONE)

-GUEST CRITIC CHARLIE

THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS, TWO REAL SMART GUYS WITH THEIR TOTALLY VALID OPINIONS. AT LEAST WHEN I LEFT THE MOVIE I REMEMBERED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT A FAKE STAIN ON THE MOVIE SCREEN TO GET A READMISSION PASS FOR LATER. OH WAIT, AND THEN THE FACT THAT THERE WAS A LESBO COUPLE ALSO DOING THE SAME THING ABOUT AN ACTUAL PROB THEY HAD WITH THE SCREEN ONLY MADE MY COMPLAINT EVEN MORE VALID/VALID AT ALL.

I GOT A REFUND INSTEAD, WHICH WAS EVEN BETTER THAN A PASS TO GO SEE SOME OTHER MOVIE THAT WOULD SUCK. MY LIFE RULES.

.

STAY COOL, FELLAS!
AND STAY OBSERVANT FOR OSCAR COVERAGE FOR SUNDAY, DONT WORRY

WHEN DID THIS MOVIE COME OUT?

WHATEVER, after watching five minutes of ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO, MY GRANPARENTS (WHO ARE MEXICAN) WERE LIKE "WHATTTT NO WAY GETT OUTTAA HERE JOHNNY DEPP" (BUT IN SPANISH, DUH) AND SO THEY BROKE OUT THEIR "DVD" COLLECTION- WHICH IS WHATEVER 5 DVDS MY GRANDMA BOUGHT PIRATED THAT WEEK. THEY SUGGESTED THIS MOVIE R.E.D., I BET CAUSE HELLEN MIREN IS IN IT (OLD LADY) AND SO IS MORGAN FREEMAN (OLD GUY)- MY GRANDPARENTS PROBABLY THOUGHT THE MOVIE WAS GONNA BE ABOUT THEM.

IT WASNT, IT WAS WORSE.SO BAD THAT EVEN MY GRANDPARENTS FELL ASLEEPS ABOUT 20 MINUTES INTO IT, AT THE HEIGHT OF A BIG GUN BALAZOS SHOOTING FIGHT; AND BEFORE THEY DID FALL ASLEEP, THE PREDICTED PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING THAT WOULD HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE. INCREDIBLE!
THE CHICK FROM WEEDS IS IN IT, AND HERE SHE IS TALKING WITH THE OTHER STAR OF THE FILM, HARD WORKING MISTER DIE HARD, BRUCE WILLIS

SO ANYWAYS, MORGAN FREEMAN IS IN IT, BUT ONLY FOR LIKE, WELL, THE TIME IT TOOK MY GRANDPARENTS TO FALL ASLEEP. HE GETS SHOT IN THE HEAD LIKE IN THE FIRST SCENE HES IN, RIGHT AFTER HE ASKS A NURSE (YEAH HE IS IN A NURSING HOME, THATS HOW OLD HE IS) TO MOVE HER BUTT AROUND IN FRONT OF HIM.

ALSO, JOHN MALKOVICH CARRIES AROUND A STUFFED PIG FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE, THAT WAS FUNNY I GUESS. WAS HE ONLY IN ONE GOOD MOVIE? HMM

OH YEAH THE SUBTITLES ON THE COPY WE WATCHED SUCKED. THIS ALSO HAPPENED LAST TIME I WATCHED A MEXICAN PIRATED MOVIE, WITH MY 18 YEAR OLD COUSIN AT HER HOUSE. THE EXCLAMATION "FREEZE!" WAS TRANSLATED TO "MARVIN" AND THE PHRASE "NO WAY" WAS TURNED INTO "POOP TO THAT." NO JOKE.

ANYWAYS, JSUT AS SOME LAME VP ASSASINATION WAS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, MY GRANDPA WOKE UP, MASHED A FEW BUTTONS ON THE REMOTE, AND WE ENDED UP WATCHING NAZI HUNTERS ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. WHEN DOES A RETIRED
GUY NOT WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE ABOUT RETIRED PEOPLE DOING (SUPPOSEDLY) COOL STUFF.

SO BASICALLY, IM SURE NOBODY SAW THIS MOVIE, BUT UNLESS YOUR GRANDMA COOKS YOU SOME COD WITH CURRY SAUCE AND YOU ARE TOO FULL TO MOVE FROM THE CARPETED FLOOR, AWAY FROM THE TV, DONT WASTE YOUR TIME.


PS. WHAT IS UP WITH BOTH FEMALE CO STARS HAVING BEEN PHOTO-GRAPHED IN BATH TUBS???

HELLO, WELCOME TO REMAKE CENTRAL

TODAY WE ARE DEALING WITH TRUE GRIT REMAKE, BUT B4 U READ IT, HERE ARE 2 PIX FROM MY VISIT TO THE SET OF THE COEHN BROS REMAKE:


ME AND JOHN WAYNE- I AM TEACHING HIM HOW TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT, SIPPING BEER OUTTA MY POCKET AND DRINKING A MANGO/COCONUT. OOPS THERE GOES YOUR OTHER EYE, JOHNNY BOY!!


ME ON SET, JUST ENJOYING A BREW IN MY EX GIRLFRIENDS PYJAMAS
----------

OKAY OKAY ONTO THE MOVIE REVIEWZ:

THIS IS ROOSTER COGBURN PLAYED BY JOHN WAYNE, A TOUGH COOL GUY

THIS IS ROOSTER COGBURN PLAYED BY JEFF BRIDGES , A COOL GUY

OKAY, SO IT SUCKED. REMAKING A MOVIE FROM 1969 IN 2010 MEANS IT WILL AUTOMATICALLY LOOK BETTER, THE EDITING, IMAGE QUALITY, ALL THE TECHNICAL STUFF. BUT THE REST IS UP TO MR SMARTY PANTS NEW DIRECTOR (OR THE COEN BROZ IN THIS CASE) WHO WANT TO MAKE A NEW VERSION OF A GREAT MOVIE. When I say the original True Grit is a great movie, I dont mean it in the sense that "YEAH ITS A CLASSIC AND THEREFORE MIGHT BE BORING BUT SHOULD BE CONSIDERED GREAT" I MEAN: It is really a great movie. AND, it is succinct as well. The new movie ads in a couple of very, very unnecessary changes, like substituting a believable, stupid move on the part of the LeBoef guy that is following Cogburn and that little girl with a dumb, movie magic type moment where two groups of people arrive at a cabin at the exact same time.. yeah right. If that doesnt make sense, its cause im trying to be vague and not ruin the movie for you (JOSH) but you really should have already seen the original so FUCK THAT.

The two main changes (both sucked) I can remember are: Instead of LeBoef, the clumsy, unhelpful and dumb Texas officer in the party, shooting at a gang of RUFFIANS while scoping them out from up top on some mountains, by MISTAKE (IN THE OG VERZION) he now just happens to arrive to the area at the same time the ruffians are chilling. If this sounds poorly written and not very explanatory, THATS CAUSE IT IS.
2) The other main change I hated was that stupid little girl looses her arm from the snake bite at the end, (instead of just needing a cast like the OG VERZION) and there is this awful, dreamy montage of Jeff Bridges (the new Cogburn) and the girl on a horse in the nighttime (wow, more emotional if its at nightttime right?) riding to get her help. The Coen guys said that this remake would focus more on the girl, but all that basically meant was they would add a terrible little epilogue at the end, which shows her like 15 years later, all growed up with no left arm, trying to see Cogburn, who OOPS died cause he was like 80 anyways. WHO CARES. RE-RELEASE THE OG TRUE GRIT- HENRY HATHAWAY IS MY DAWG. PS IS HE RELATED TO THIS GIRL?

(THATS ANN HATHAWAY NAKED)
BOTTOM LINE: THE COEN BROTHERS MAKE GOOD MOVIES SOMETIMES, SO WHY WOULD THEY TRY TO REMAKE AN AWESOME ONE? JUST FINISH THE YIDDISH POLICEMANS MOVIE ALREADY.

In other movie news, did you know Ralph Bakshi directed a terrible, beyond awful movie starring

Batgirl and

THIS GUY? It is called CRAZY AND GREAT or something like that. I was watching it like.. This is as badly acted as Cool World, and then I realized.. Ralph Bakshi just doesnt know how to direct people.. it was really like watching a high school play. UGH.

ALSO:


THE TRUST CIRCLE, WHAT?