NUMBER ONE: AVATAR. NO, I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING. THIS MOVIE WAS INCREDIBLE. I SAW A PRESS SCREENING YESTERDAY AND MY EYEBALLS SHIT THEIR PANTS IT LOOKED SO GOOD. THE MOVIE IS FUCKING STUNNING. AND THE 3D DOES NOT LOOK SHITTY. I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT OF 2009, AND HOLY SHIT WAS I WRONG. IT COMES OUT FRIDAY, YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING IT THEN.
NUMBER TWO: OBSERVE AND REPORT was fucking hysterical and a BANGIN black comedy. Black comedy like morbid, dark but funny. Not talking about White Chicks or Precious or Tyler Madea or whatever. The chubby guy from Pineapple Express is in it, and he is a fucked up, Bipolar mall cop. Oh yeah and the Spanish looking guy in the movie is FUCKING hysterical.

NUMBER THREE: THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX was a really sweet movie. The animation was done in a way that mimicked shitty old PBS stop motion from the 80s I guess, and it has a really nostalgic quality about it while you're watching the movie. The story is fun and visually, the movie is so intricate I had to watch it in theaters twice to catch all the little things happening on screen. If someone says they didn't like this movie, knock them out with a brick, tie them up and put them in an oversized duffel bag, and take them up 40,000 feet in a plane and push them out.

NUMBER FOUR: THE HURT LOCKER definitely deserves to be on this list. Aside from Avatar, this list isn't in any particular order, so if you are some Star Trek loser don't think I'm saying that STAR TREK IS SHITTY AND THE HURT LOCKER IS BETTER, fuck off. The Hurt Locker is shot really nicely, and can get very tense at times; I mean it's about a guy who disarms fucking BOMBS in IRAQ. Plus Guy Pearce has a short role at the beginning of the movie, and his scenes are all pretty great. The slo mo bomb explosions from the trailer looks pretty awesome on the BIG SCREEN. And the movie incorporates a lot of personal vendetta shit into it, so you aren't watching the movie just trying to pick which motherfucker is gonna get killed next.

NUMBER FIVE: I thought DISTRICT 9 was kind of break through in terms of how that type of a movie can be made. This movie worked in all the ways that Cloverfield was a piece of shit. You care about the characters in this movie, and you don't want to throw up half way through because the camera operator is having a fucking seizure. The whole thing where the movie is made to look like it was shot on a fucked up camcorder looks great here, and the CG is getting so good that it is almost flawlessly integrated with the live action shots. Of course the whole fucked-up-camcorder effect makes the effects integration a lot less demanding than something like Avatar, which has to be crystal fucking clear. Did I mention how great that movie was?

NUMBER SIX: Yeah, so UP was a pretty fun movie. But whatever, it's not like Pixar is gonna make a shitty movie, right? Oh yeah except for Cars, what a piece of shit that was.

NUMBER SEVEN: The new STAR TREK movie changed the way I think about all those Trekkies and that shit. I have friend who grew up watching the tv shows and I thought he was the biggest fucking loser ever. He still is, but whatever, now Star Trek is a little cooler and more mainstream, so A+ for him. Maybe now when he's talking about how "cool" Star Trek is, some girl will want to fuck him, instead of a guy just punching him in the gut and calling him a "fagg*t." I have a feeling this new movie is nothing like the old shitty looking show, but who the fuck cares. Put enough explosions and cool effects into any movie and I will watch it until I need to take a piss.

NUMBER EIGHT, NINE AND TEN: Watchmen, Inglourious Basterdzz and A Serious Man were all also pretty good, but these reviews are getting fucking repetitive and I know you all probably watched these movies anyways. I was going to also include The Road, but fuck that. The same director did The Proposition and that was awesome. Plus Nick Cave's music in The Road was way shitty and really got in the way of the editing.

THE SEVEN SHITTIEST MOVIES OF 2009:
1. Bruno sucked and was a big let down after Borat. I wrote a review of it here, but forgot what I said.
2. Wolverine was a piece of shit, but I only saw the leaked version without all the CG done. That was probably better anyways.
3. I watched Coraline on Thanksgiving with my 16 year old girl cousin. I was really wasted and fell aslepep, but she said it sucked dick.
4. The Frog Princess looks like a shitty Aladdin- right, the bad guy looks like a crack addicted Jafar? I don’t know, I didn’t see it though.
5. Where The Wilds Things Are. Fuck that shit, what a stupid idea to let a bunch of arty movie morons adapt one of the most classic children’s books ever. I’m glad it fucking bombed in theaters.
6. That movie NINE looked like a piece of shit too. I got a free dvd and still didn’t watch that shit. Probably the worst character design I’ve seen since Delgo, maybe worse. Delgo was a real piece of shit from last year I think, and Freddie Prince Jr. did the main voice acting. What a fucking joke of a movie that was.
7. Did Shutter Island come out yet? This movie is on the list only cause Leonardo Dicaprio’s boston accent sucks so hard. Fuck that guy.

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